I did an Instagram post not that long ago about a picture that came up in my Facebook memories. The picture was from when I was well into my weight loss journey and had lost 93 pounds at that point.
My eldest kiddo saw the picture up on my second monitor and she asked, “Who’s That?”
I said , “… well that’s me.”
“No Way!” she almost screamed.
I said yes, I told you I had lost a bunch of weight…. She didn’t believe me. She said that didn’t look like me at all. She didn’t know me then, she’s only ever seen me as I am now.
I had longer hair then in addition to weighing way more than I currently do. The picture in the green was taken when I weighed over 140 more than I do today!! This sweet 9 year old knew that I lost weight but I guess she never really realized what I would have looked like before.
I’m sure I’ve shown them to her before, but she couldn’t believe that was me. She came to live with me long after I was my current weight.
The Winter Coat
I have a winter coat that I use to “step outside” during the winter. I’ve had this coat for a really long time.
When I was at my heaviest, I could barely do it up and it was uncomfortable to be outside. Wearing a sweater underneath was not even a possibility.
I still wear it even now, just around the house. The kids often use it as a blanket on movie night (because it’s that big!)
Just for fun today, I put the coat on, and got both my Bigs to join me inside.
We did actually get it done up with all of us inside, but we were laughing so hard before we took the picture that the zipper came open LOL.
I probably will never get rid of this coat.
It’s just a really good reminder of where I have come from. It’s also a very blatant reminder of where I will never ever allow myself to get again!!
I have a few other clothing items that I keep as reminders as well. A pair of yoga pants (why the hell was I wearing yoga pants at that size?!?), a huge shirt, A VERY VERY large bra and pair of white “granny panties” are also part of my “fat clothes” memorabilia.
I’m too embarrassed to ever show those things to you, but I have them, and every once in a while I will pull them out and laugh (and often times even cry) when I am in a quiet moment by myself.
It was a fun day, and a fun way too look back on my former self with my kiddos. We all laughed together.
Although I will never go back to those days, it’s good to remember.
I hated everything about who I was then (both emotionally and physically) and I remember feeling so sad and self-conscious all the time. I didn’t like to get together with friends or family members. I was never one to speak out at meetings or public places with my thoughts and ideas, because people would simply stare at me (or I felt like they were).
Taking pictures was something that would make me cringe!
That person and the strength and determination it has taken me to get to this person are all part of who I am now.
It is a journey, and it’s a constant battle of who I was and who I WANT to be…
I wouldn’t change it.
I can take a picture now, and not cringe. In fact, I took one today to show off my new t-shirt:
My daughter @mamababybear85 picked me up a super cute t-shirt the other day in a local shop, “just because". ❤️It is the absolute most perfect shirt for me!!! I love it sweet girl, thank you! ❤️ It's a size medium she said it would fit me, I told her NOT BLOODY LIKELY (or some similar colorful words)….. 👀But look at that, perfect fit!! 👀 ☕️ Coffee ☕️ and Online Shopping I love being online and shopping online. ❓Are you an online shopper or do you like to get out and spend the time looking at everything in person? Janine and I work well together because she loves to check out all the local shops and is an in person shopper. So she does all of the local shopping for our house 😉 #coffeetime#coffeeaddict#coffeemom #coffeefix#coffeeday#coffeefirst #thoughtfuldaughter #thoughtfulkids #blessed #coffee_inst#needcoffee#needcoffeenow#needcoffeestat#needcoffeee#coffeemoms#coffeemomma#coffeegrandma#coffeegram #coffeelifer#coffeelifestyle#ahwh #athomewithheather#bulletproofcoffee #coconutoil#heavycream #coconutoilcoffee #coffeeandonlineshopping
I can actually look good and feel proud when I take a picture. I don’t cringe at the thought of it or run the other direction from a camera.
I can laugh about it with my kids.
In the old days thinking about the way I looked and felt would just send me running to shove my face FULL of more chips and unhealthy binge eating.
This journey has taken me through a lot of healing, to where I am actually able to start being my very own best friend!
I’m not sure exactly why you’re getting such an emotional update this week.
I guess that’s just what I am feeling. I hope it motivates you and inspires you.
It motivates me!! Especially when I can fit two extra people in the jacket that use to barely fit around me!
When I woke up this morning my scale showed that I am up 2 pounds. I’m not exactly sure why either which is frustrating. I am not feeling the best and maybe some of the cold medications I am taking are causing water retention?
So maybe it’s me that needs the motivation as I am feeling slightly frustrated ( pissed off and annoyed lol).
We all have days and weeks like this. What’s important is to remember the journey, and the bigger picture.
Don’t let yourself get hung up in these weeks where you really felt like you were on track and then come to weigh in day to be disappointed.
I watched finding Dory yesterday (or parts of it) with my littles and this little song just keeps playing in my head…
When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do?
Just keep swimming
Just keep swimming
Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming….
I hope you have an amazing week ahead. I look forward to learning more about your stories and what made you finally take the journey to becoming your healthier self.
In the meantime, let’s all just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming….
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