It is Tony Robbins that says “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
I am going through a bit of a personal situation that not only deeply saddens me (and in itself is enough to send me into a downward spiral), but the WAY in which it is happening makes me completely angry and frustrated!!
In the past, this would have sent me into a weekend of complete binge eating just to try and shove my emotions down and get through it.
I’m talking it would have meant several GIANT size bags of chips, some chocolate, insane amounts of diet pepsi, and likely a good portion of vodka lol.
The past got me this….
And THAT is not something that I EVER want to repeat!!!
So I had to stop myself!
It’s all about choices.
- I need to choose me.
- I need to choose my health.
- I need to choose where I want to go, not where I have come from.
Friday morning was a complete gong show around my house (and one that I am not yet through).
Friday afternoon, it was my sweet Vanna’s birthday party. I also had other deadlines and commitments that needed to get done ON Friday for my other business.
I was stressed to the max, saddened to my core, and struggling to get through it all with a smile on my face for my kiddos who don’t deserve having to deal with this junk because of an unhappy Amma.
Thankfully, I have an amazing family that stepped up to help pull it off.
My daughter took the kids to a local trampoline place, and then back here so we could celebrate with cake and munchies. While they were gone, it have me the time I needed to complete my other deadlines and be ready for when they got back.
The “munchies” are my biggest trigger and before I knew it, I had started shoving them down my gullet hole.
I HAD to stop myself….
And I did!
I had to take a minute and take some deep breaths and have a little conversation with ME!! (that went something like this…)
“Heather, what in the hell are you doing?!”
“You know that you eating is not going to do a damn thing to solve the problem, you know that it’s ONLY hurting you, and the (fill in the blank with appropriate nasty words) is not going to go away or even care that you’re hurting yourself!”
“You are bigger than this – YOU are in control”
We are having a great discussion on Facebook about when it’s okay (if ever) to indulge, come and share your thoughts.
I got through it, not completely carb free, but I did not to badly at all. Thankfully the kids were into the chips as much as me, and so the bowls emptied quickly, and the problem was solved ….. for the moment.
I had the entire weekend ahead of me where I was completely free to eat what I wanted – who was gonna know anyway?
AND I had to go on an out of town trip yesterday to drive a client to Great Falls airport so there was lot’s of restaurant eating involved.
I went to bed early on Friday because I was totally emotionally exhausted, I knew I had to be alert for the drive on Saturday, AND that way I didn’t eat.
Saturday morning I was still totally torn between whether I was going to choose health, or whether I was going to choose my old habit of letting my emotions get the best of me.
On the way out of town, I grabbed a Tim Horton’s sausage egg biscuit sandwich (one of my old life’s daily indulgences). BUT I managed to only have a bite of the biscuit before feeding it to my friend dog.
When we got to Great Falls, we chose to eat at Chili’s restaurant.
I DID IT!!
I ordered the 6 oz sirloin steak with a side of steamed broccoli and a tossed salad (instead of fries or mashed potato).
I did eat a very small amount of the chips and salsa while waiting for the meal, but again I’m very proud that I didn’t eat the entire tray and ask for more.
It was actually really delicious!
On the way home in the car, we munched on pecan halves.
Then when I got home, I had a Burger King grilled chicken Caesar salad with no croutons!
So overall YAY me!!!
It wasn’t a completely on plan weekend, but I managed to pull myself from the depths of a deep set in depression and binge that quite literally could and would go on for days!!
Today I am feeling much more in control of my emotions.
Will it happen again?
Oh I am pretty much guaranteed of that.
But here’s the thing. It’s MY Life, and my choices.
I can choose to be in control of my health. I can choose to be in control of me!
In fact through this whole situation, the only thing I can really control is…
And the way I react to the bullshit that life throws some days.
Just because life isn’t perfect, doesn’t mean I have to hate myself, and not care about me.
Yes this situation that I am going through makes me very sad. and YES the way the people in charge are handling it is less than professional and completely unethical.
I know it will work out exactly as it’s going to, for me and for my family. That may not be the way I want it to, but it is what it is.
Sometimes, the only thing that you can control is the way you react to a situation. AND in my experience, the way I react has a great deal to do with the result I get.
I’ve been a mama-bear for a long long time, and sometimes my claws come out. But in that, I also need to remember to protect the mama, or she can’t help her cubs 😉
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