I am Embarrassed to Tell You I Screwed Up

I’m Feeling Completely Overwhelmed and Stressed to the Max

 

Everyone has stress in life and periods where they feel completely overwhelmed.  I am not writing this as a “poor me” blog, more to say we are all human and dealing with out own “stuff”.

Some of my Current Situation and “Stuff”

I’ve had many changes in my home this year.  Many of the them are personal and dealing with the children I have in my home, of which I have currently have four or five (depending on the day).  Two of the four have some fairly serious delays and special needs.

Recently my daughter and my grandson who have also been here with me for almost 3 years, have found their own place and are slowly moving towards establishing it as their home.

I won’t/can’t go into details of the children or my daughter, just to say life at the moment is extremely full.  Organization and planning are key in order for me to keep on top of ANY kind of priority list.

A well thought out and planned day can blow up and go completely sideways very quickly if even one thing in the schedule changes.

Additionally, I have a partnership in a local company that is starting to become established and get busier (which is wonderful).  Plus, I really want to keep on top of my At Home With Heather blog and continue to share my journey and my moments with you all.


 

I try to make time in my day for me to take care of me and work on the things that are important to me:

  • My Health and Weight Management
  • My Happiness and Joy
  • My Mindset
  • My Blogs and Business
  • My Home, Family and Friends
  • My Retirement Planning

What I struggle with and what overwhelms me is when my stuff gets lost in the shuffle.  As a caregiver, I generally get  the leftovers of ME.  I’m not whining or complaining, I am just saying it like it is.

I am the kind of person that doesn’t like conflict, or upsetting the apple cart so to speak.  I don’t like to make waves.  I tend NOT to say what I’m feeling if I think it will upset someone or cause a conflict.

Instead I just push those emotions down deep, and bury them with a bag of chips.  What’s happened in the last several months is that I’ve put back on 30 of the 155 pounds I originally lost in my journey to health.

Let me say that again….  I’ve gained 30 pounds!!

I’m not sure when I got so off track.  I do know it’s not been just this past month.  Looking back at MFP, I can say that the weight gain started a year ago and the the last 10 pounds have been more recent.

What I know is this — I’m NOT going to ever go back to where I was 3 plus years ago, when I began this journey.

Why am I telling you this?

I’m not really sure.

I’ve been hiding it for a long time and not talking about it about my weight gain.  Not talking about anything at all.

I feel like sh_*&  about what I’ve allowed to happen.  It’s embarrassing and I am completely ashamed.

I’m not only ashamed about the weight gain, I am down on myself about not completing my goals for the year.  I had such high hopes at the beginning of 2018, and now here we are basically 2 months away from the end of the year and I feel like I am further away from my goals than I was at the beginning of the year.

In order for me to deal with all of it and move on, I first have to stop hiding and pretending everything is okay when it’s really not.

Also, here’s the thing – gaining weight back, “falling off the health wagon”, losing sight of your goals, or whatever is something that I think everyone has gone through, or is going through right now.  Even from the few social media updates I’ve posted this week, I’ve received messages saying thank you for sharing I’m going through the same thing.

So firstly, I need to help myself by being accountable.  Sharing my story and being real about where I am at, what went wrong, and what I am doing about it.  This has helped me in the past when I was originally going through my journey, and I know it will help me know.

Secondly, if by sharing my story and being real and accountable can help even one other person, than it’s worth it to me.  If I have already received messages from a few, I know many more are feeling the same way.

What am I going to do to get back on track?

Stop beating myself up.  It’s happened and I can’t change it.

Get a keto buddy.  In the case of getting back into healthy eating and losing this 30 pounds, I need to get help.  When I started on the Low Carb way of life, I did it with my mother.  We would eat together, talk about what we were eating, share recipes, and quite honestly she would do a lot of the meal prep and cooking.  This allowed me to stay on track even when I didn’t have time, or even when I was cooking for my kids.

Sharing my journey and my struggle.  That said you are going to see a lot more from me.  I’m not planning on only sharing my health journey, but the real life stuff about being a mom, and a middle age mom to young kids to boot.  If you enjoy my updates, or I am helping you at all, please be sure to sign up to receive my updates via email.

Keep feeding my mind with the positive food.  It’s so easy to get into the negative self talk and almost being abusive to myself.  That has to stop.  I have been really feeding my mind with positive mentors, motivators and mindset.  That may even be why I decided it was time for me to get real about what’s been going on.

 

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I’ve got 2 months left in 2018.  It’s up to me to choose what I am going to do, and how I’m going to spend that time.

Talk soon,

Heather

 

 

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