It’s Time for Me to GET REAL

This Blog post from last year that never got posted…  Since writing this post in December 2022, life has carried on some parts good, some parts bad…  but mostly good. I don’t even really know why I would still post this over a year later, except that it is a record of a chunk of time.

Here it is now, almost the end of March 2024, and time is whizzing by.

Do you feel like we’ve really lost the last 4 years?  I do!  So here it is, the blog post that was written in December 2022..

Well…. It’s been a minute since I’ve been here.

I feel a real mix of emotions as I try to write this, pick up the pieces, and rebuild my life. In order to go forward, I must first go back.

The last time I was here posting a blog, was on August 19, 2020.  This was 5 months after the COVID lockdowns had begun in Alberta.  It was also 11 days before my sweet Mother passed from Lung Cancer. 

I feel like these 2 events had a greater effect on me than I had realized at the time.  I’ve had bouts of depression, feelings of overwhelm and daily stressors.  I know I’m not different than anyone else and I’m not saying this as an excuse, but more as an explanation (even just admitting it to myself).

That said, I have done my best to hold it together for my kiddos, but what I haven’t done very good at is taking care of me!  Over the course of the last 4 plus years, I have been struggling A LOT.  I’ve really been embarrassed to share any of that with you.

Handwriting text Self Care. Conceptual photo practice of taking action preserve or improve ones own health Blank White Huge Oval Shape Sticker and Megaphone Shouting with Volume Icon

The area of my life that I really struggle with is taking care of me.  Doing things that light me up, and bring me joy.  On the daily, I spend time pouring love and energy into my family….  and I love my family.  The problem is that I don’t spend that time and energy doing the same for myself…. then I get frustrated with everything (including my kiddos) and sink deeper into my stress, and overwhelm and even depression.  It’s a vicious cycle.

The most shameful and distressing part of me not taking care of myself is the fact the over the past 4+ years, I have put my health back at risk and gained all of the weight that I had lost in 2015-2016.

I turned to the comfort of stress eating to get me through the sadness and depression of losing my mom.  She was my best friend, and life without her even now 4 years later is hard somedays.

The anxiety of a never ending cycle of kids home due to sniffles, coughs and runny noses was exhausting.  I don’t remember exactly, but early on in the pandemic when we had to do COVID tests every time  there was a symptom, the kids and I had something in the neighborhood of 100 COVID tests, all of them with negative results.  Through all of that I was grateful that nobody in my house got it until March of 2022, and all cases were manageable.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a complete introvert and so many parts of the pandemic were easy for me to manage.  Like staying home, like moving to online meetings and less expectations for going into crowds etc.  The problem was it made it very easy for me to not worry about how much weight I was gaining…

Fast forward to now.  Life is good (or I feel like it should be), and I try daily to be grateful… It’s hard.  I feel like I’m lost.  I feel like I have no motivation, and I feel like I need that to change.

In November of 2022, I knew that I needed to start taking care of my health.  I felt like my blood sugars were way out of control.  I went for a blood test and sure enough my blood sugar (A1c) was elevated to 13 ish mmol/L.  The normal is between 5-8 mmol/L.  My doctor put me on Metformin immediately and told me I needed to get my eating under control.  He said I have faith in you Heather, you’ve done it before, and you can do it again.

I need to start doing things for me, and I need for things to start changing in my life.  Firstly, I need to start taking care of my health.. Secondly, I need to take time to intentionally start doing things in my life for me, that I enjoy.  I have been exploring different things that I really am interested in, and I will share more about that in future updates.

One of the things that I really missed is being here.  Writing, being accountable, and hopefully being able to share my story and create a community that are going through the same struggles to support each other.

So I am back, I am going to be posting fresh new content, and hopefully you will following along and share my journey with me again.

Much Love,

Heather