What have I done for 100 Days now? Even with 6 kids during the COVID Global Pandemic

What’s changed for me in the past 100 Days?

I made a post on Social Media the other day.  Asking you to guess what  I have (or HAVE NOT) been doing for the past 100 days.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Happy Monday…. Does anyone want to guess what I have or have NOT been doing for the last 100 days? Well before we even were thing about being locked down for COVID? #100days #100daycelebration #100daysof #100daysofbrave #100daysofcourage #momboss #bossmom #igotthis #doingitforme #strongbitch #strongmom #midlifemama #momstrength ⁣ #happythoughts #focusonthegood #focusonwhatmatters #gettinghealthyforme

A post shared by Heather Masson (@athomewithheather) on Apr 20, 2020 at 7:03am PDT

It’s not something that I ever talk about, because I am NOT proud of it at all.

From the time I was 12 years old, I had been a smoker.  For 3/4 of my life, or the past 38 years!!!

I FINALLY QUIT SMOKING!!

Back when i started smoking it wasn’t considered a “health risk”.

A 12 year old kid could walk into any store and buy them without question, and I did that…  regularly.  Can you imagine a 12 year old kid walking in to a store and buying cigarettes anywhere today?

Part of the reason that I started smoking was because of my peer group.  We were all smoking back that, it was the “cool thing to do”.    My mother wasn’t even aware that I had started smoking.  Back then I use to babysit a lot and so it was very easy for me to “support my own habit”.

The other reason that I started smoking was because I figured that if I smoked, then maybe wouldn’t eat as much.  That was actually a pretty lame reason, but in my mind it was legit.

In the past 38 years, I only ever tried to quit maybe 3 or 4 times.  I was actually afraid to try because I didn’t want to fail over and over again.

Smoking use to be a “social thing”, it was a great time to visit with friends or meet new friends.  Smoking allowed me to find out the latest gossip around the office or whatever else I needed to know.  All the awesome conversations would happen when we were “out for a smoke”.  In fact many of my non-smoking friends were envious lol.

Slowly one by one every single one of my family and friends have quit.

I was the only one left.

In the last 10-15 years, smoking became more of a chore than it was an enjoyable habit.  Like my ball and chain.  I couldn’t leave the house without having my smokes with me.  I couldn’t let myself have less than a full pack of cigarettes or I would start twitching in case I would run out.   I quit smoking in my house and vehicles over 20 years ago (for the health of my kids).  Because I live in Canada, many mornings I would stand outside in minus 20 degrees  (or colder) to get my morning fix.

It was ridiculous.  It wasn’t even enjoyable anymore. And yet I continued to smoke.

So Why Now?

What changed for me that I actually chose to quit and that I was able to make it stick this time?

I really don’t know.

A Couple of things.  First, I had promised my daughter and my grandson that I would quit smoking before my 50th birthday (January 28).  I did with 2 weeks to spare lol.  For that I am grateful, I did NOT want to fail on the promise to them.

The other really big reason was my mom.

Mom had been a smoker for many many years.  The entire time I was growing up (after she got over the mad that I started in the first place) she and I became smoking buddies.  She quit about 27 years ago.

In the last several years, mom has developed COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease).  She has a hard time breathing, she is now on oxygen full-time and when she gets a lung infection it is very scary because we don’t know if she’s going to be okay.

Mom was in the hospital in January with some other lung complications.

That’s what made my decision.  I could NOT watch mom go through  more pain and standby still smoking.  Mom is out of the hospital and doing okay now but as with many things in life, she was my inspiration.

The other fun part was quitting and not telling anyone in my family – (except my mom, daughter, and best friend) to see how long it would take them to notice.

It took them a long time, over a month in fact.  Just goes to show you, people often notice the bad, but they seldom notice the good.

Some Days Are Still Really Hard

After I quit, and for my 50th birthday.  My sisters and I got to hang out in Palm Springs for a few days.  That was such a fun and amazing vacation for me.  It was a great way to celebrate my 50th birthday, it was also a much needed break in the stressful day to day that is my life.

I was so thankful that I didn’t have to carry my ball and chain through the airport, day of travel, and vacation.

We got back from Palm Springs at the end of February – just before all the COVID craziness was kicking into high gear.

Every single day I thank God that I am a non-smoker.  

What is really hard now?  Knowing that COVID-19 affects the lungs.  Although my lungs are smoke free, they are still not as healthy as they should/could be.  My bigger concern of course is MOM and making sure that she is kept away from this pandemic and remains infection free.

I am Grateful every day that we are together, safe, at home, and have all that we need.

BUT… Being safe at home right now for me is both very reassuring and VERY CHALLENGING.

• I am at home with 6 kids that are very loud and very excitable.
• I am now the homeschooling Mom/Amma of 6 kids several of which have special learning needs.
• I am trying to be a role model for them and to make this pandemic and isolation a good memory for them, instead of a scary terrifying experience.
• I am working on my own personal development and learning.
• I am working to get back to my blog and create a community for other moms and grandmas like me.
• My aim is to be of service and let my light shine in hopes that others will do the same.
• I am working to get my health back.

Can I be REAL With You for a Minute?

Some days right now, even though i have so many things to be grateful for, I just want to scream, throw my hands in the air, run away, hide, and come back with a cigarette in my hand.

• I KNOW that will NOT help
• I KNOW that if I have one, I will start all over again.
• I KNOW that I have come to far to turn back now
• I KNOW that I am way better off than I was
• I KNOW that i LOVE not having to keep my ball and chain anymore.
• I KNOW that I LOVE my freedom.

But even though I know all that – every once in a while- I feel like I would still do it.  Those moments are short and coming less often, but  I still can feel weak, and I am still afraid.

Now… I need to get my Eating and Weight back under control.

While we are being really real – my weight and eating are TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

It started last year.  I felt like I was in control, so I would “allow” myself the occasional treat here and there that were off my keto plan.  Pretty soon I had gained 20 pounds, then 30 pounds.

• The stress eating started for different reasons
• Then I went on our annual family vacation so there were extra drinks and eats
• Then it was Christmas
• Then mom was in the hospital
• Then I had to quit the cigarettes
• Then another vacation to Palm Springs
• Then the COVID-19 pandemic

And here I am so bloated and big and out of control I feel like I can hardly move.  So I started on Monday getting back on a healthy eating plan which for me is a low carb/keto diet.

Right now, more than ever, it is super important to maintain or put a huge emphasis on health.

Right now I am thankful for a network of strong women both my in-person friends and family and my online friends (daughters, mothers, grandmothers)  that will give each other encouragement and support.

Listen we are all going through some shit and trying to remain sane or even become better in the process.  Let’s connect and help each other to support and encourage each other.

I’d love to hear from you 🙂 <3

Talk soon,

P.S. Did you know you can get all of my updates by signing up to receive them directly into your inbox? This way you don’t miss any of my progress updates.

P.S.S. – Please take a minute to connect with me: Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest | Twitter |LinkedIn